MED WEEK FINALE

MEDTHROB/Medweek 2011 

The crowd went wild. Cheers echoed in the night. My ears stung from the loud applause and screams of supportive audience. My hands went clammy as the moment came closer, as the host announced the finale of the night's event.

I think my mind just went numb, trying to relax and just give it my best shot... to dance without worry but with fun and passion. As the first note of the music hummed in the air, the crowd went wilder. I knew at that point, it's show time.

The finale... the last side glance back to the audience as the last note of the dance rung in my ears, the loud cheers that erupted came in full force. Everyone enjoyed our performance. Everyone loved our dance.

It was such a high feeling. Although I knew, most of the cheers were not specifically for me, I still felt accomplished. I did my part, we did our very best. It was surreal, it was beyond awesome. And to hear compliments afterwards, it felt great.

Kudos Medthrob! We made PLM proud. We did it! See you next semester for weeks of practices again...

"PLM .... WE CAN!" 
 

ACHE

My body is hurting like crazy. More like, my legs are hurting like crazy. I can't even walk properly.

Basketball and dance practice were not a good combination yesterday, plus I got the "red visitor". How nice.

Talking about dance updates rather than body pain, I'm glad to say I'm nearly nailing the dance routine, the third one. If I could just make the turn as fast and graceful as possible, I can do the next move effortlessly. Sadly, yesterday's practice, I still can't get it right.

The president criticized my dance routine, as they were bit too fast. The song's mellow and slow, so if I dance in a rush, that won't look good and I will obviously stand out. So, I gratefully accepted the critic and let my body flow as smoothly with the music. Most of the time, I always ask. Seriously, especially when I am sure that I don't get the move right, I HAVE to ask or else. So, good thing, the president and vice president were very gracious in answering my insistent questionings.

Just few more days before the performance.. my very first performance as member of this dance organization, my first ever step to a higher level of performing. There's so much pressure and rambling thoughts going on in my head. What if they don't like my way of dancing? What if they just see my inborn hand and dislike me at one glance? What if I make a bunch of mistake and ruin the entire dance performance? I am literally freaking out inside. Just like in basketball, I thought I would make a good job since I've played well back in my college years BUT I mess up. Even if they say it's okay, I don't feel good. It's like I'm back in day one with playing that sport whom I've grown to love. Two years quickly wiped away whatever talent or skills I have in playing. I've always wanted to show to people I can do stuff well, especially that I have this inborn hand. I want to best and I want to prove to them I'm good. It's hard when you're all insecure and freaking scared what others might think. I've done a pretty neat job overcoming that but it's still coming back.

This is a huge leap of faith, you know, being part of this dance crew. At times, I wonder what they think of me when they watch me dance the routine, since I know I dance with a bit of difference (with my hand and all). I just don't want to ruin the group's performance or anything because of me. But I'm glad that I'm becoming much more comfortable with most of the members, at least I know I'm accepted.

The problem lies in me, I guess.

Right now, it's not the body pain that I am feeling anymore.

It's more of that personal ache, that pain of being talked behind your back one day, scrutinized for your handicap or mistakes ...

I just hope I'll come alive and stronger after all this experience..

AWKWARD

I am awkward.

Okay, erase that... make it "I WAS awkward".

After missing three days of dance practices, I attended today's dance rehearsal and I don't think I performed well. I felt like I was a clumsy, ugly duckling in dancing.

I can't get the steps right.

I'm doing the steps wrong. (Is that the same thing?)

I get too dizzy with doing turns, I always mess up each time I did a turn.

I feel awkward with my movements, as if I don't dance at all.

It's like my body is not in synchrony with the music, my mind's not in beat with the song, my whole self is not one with the music.

I sometimes wonder where's that "swag" and "attitude" I showed when I danced my audition piece.

Right now, I'm a lost kitty, trying to bust the right moves along with the other members who seemed to be nailing each step almost perfectly well.

Oh and before I forgot, I'm getting stressed out whenever I remember that it's already next week when we'll be going to perform.

And I don't think I'm UP for that, I'm seriously NOT in my best term with the whole dance routines.

Can I just BACK OUT ... like right now?

Okay, okay, kidding.

I don't mean to give up just like that. It's just.. I'm being overwhelmed by a feeling of insecurity and fear. What will the audience think when they see me dancing.. especially dancing with an "inborn hand"? I am sure it will make a difference, since I can't do most of the hand movements as similar as what is taught. There's much difference, I tell you. Probably, that's where my awkwardness stemmed up from, at some point in time.

Another thing is ... this issue about  "guy-in-my-dream-oh-so-cool-choreographer-slash-dancer" member. He was the one teaching the next dance piece where I'm all awkward and lost. He's just good, I just appreciate how he grooves and bust those moves of his. BUT, one thing that kind of put me on guard is THAT moment... the moment that completely surprised me.

He suddenly grabbed both of my shoulders when he tried walking beside me. I mean, okay, I don't want to create any meaning  on that.. I am just genuinely SHOCKED. Seriously, I'm okay with it if we're already more than acquainted. Until now, I still can't interact with him as crazily as I want to.. well, I joked around him slightly before practice, but that's all it.

So, yeah. that completely froze me and I really have to force to shake myself out of the trance I was in and focused on listening to the song.

Really.

Seriously, I'm a bad case  this week. I just wish I'd be better by tomorrow's practice.

*sighs*

As you can see, I just ranted.

No pictures.

Boohoo. 

I dreamt of this dancer...

Ever since the confession I made with my roommate that I like the way this fellow member dances, I dreamt of him twice already. Yes, imagine that! I would actually accept it if the dream is somewhat sane or possible to happen. But actually, it is the opposite. I dreamt of him in the most shocking way I could have thought of.
 

My first dream of him was definitely a knack in my head. I woke up with a startle, when I realized that I still remember most of the details in the dream.

I wonder why I dreamt of him though...hmm...

In the first dream, we were close, I mean comfortably close. We sat together, talked in such close distance without awkwardness. And seeing the gestures shared between us, we either acted like best of friends or lovers. Waaaaa! This is weird.

But in reality, we are not yet close. Yes, I am bit closer with the other members but not with him. Actually, I am bit shy and reserved when I interact with him. Until now, since I have not made any recent interactions with him, anyways. I remembered the time when he was polishing our dance moves, he suddenly came forward and checked on my moves. I think my brain went blank because I did not understand what he asked me to do and when he touched my shoulders, I think I froze. Seriously!
 

In the second dream, the latest one, just yesterday, during the time that I was sick, I dreamt of him AGAIN. But, no close interaction, it was like I see his back side, like I am just watching him from afar, and he was there seated on a chair. It was just short, or I just do not remember the other details, probably.

Tell me the meaning of my dreams... hmmm,,

There is a high chance that I would see him at last by tomorrow, so I hope I will not act weird or anything. Because as far as I remember, the last time that I get to talk to him, I was like this retarded shy, soft spoken girl which is unlike me. Even my roommate agreed when I told her about that... haha!

Wish me luck on this bizarre tumblings of my mind...and dreams. Whew.

Missed dance practices.

I missed two days of dance practices, just because I was sick.

Actually, I am not still in my best condition until now, but I hope I will be tomorrow.

I got dance practice plus basketball game to attend to.

I need to do much since I missed the practice for a new song which was taught by someone, I think from upper year whom I do not know yet personally.

I just hope it is not too complicated for me to understand.

I just slept the entire day that is why I am still awake at this hour. Fail!

And I think it is less than 2 weeks before we perform during Med Week, or Med Day for this year. I am still feeling bothered and thrilled at the same time.

Going to the case about this guy whom I dreamt of, I dreamt about him AGAIN. Yes, and now my roommate is teasing me that ... probably, I have hidden desire of whatever you can call that for this person. Oh no no no!!! Honestly, it is also one reason why I am kind of bothered to attend practice lately. I just hope I would lose that by tomorrow, since I was bit lucky he was not there for the past days that I have been into practice.

Gah, I just want to be pampered right now..

Okay, hopefully I would be able to sleep little later... seriously, my roommate is already noticing my ever hideous eyebags. Huhu!

Love the way you dance...

First song, first dance

 

 

 

 

I remember, I got addicted to the song of Eminem, ages ago, which is entitled Real Slim Shady. I bet you are bobbing your head like a boss, remembering the song.

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

I have never been a real fan, but there were songs of his that I like... remember the song, Thank You? He paired up with Dido in singing this song and I think, I heard an issue that it is actually based on a real story.

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I..
got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window..
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad.. 

And in terms of songs under Rihanna's belt, I like to hum along with...

Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
Only girl in the world like I'm the only one that's in command 
 ...
Hey, boy, I really wanna see if you
Can go downtown wit’ a girl like me
Hey, boy, I really wanna be wit’ you
‘Cause you just my type, ooh, na, na, na
... 
Come here, rude boy, boy; can you get it up?
Come here rude boy, boy; is you big enough?
Take it, take it baby, baby
Take it, take it; love me, love me 
...
Oh, how about a round of applause?
Yeah, standing ovation...Ooh, oh yeah
Yeah y-yeah yeah
...
 I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside

I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be a murderer
...

Okay, I am spazzing over song lyrics. Honestly, those songs I have mentioned, I do not know the lyrics by heart, so most of the time, I just hum along, or bob my head along. So, when we started doing the dance routine for the rap part of Love the Way You Lie, yes, the rap part of Eminem, I kind of got lost with the connection of the lyrics with the steps. I do not know the lyrics, yes, I admit.

But, in time, I actually got it and I find it amusing how each movement correlates with the essence of that specific line, or word. It actually gives more than what I kind of expected.
Cheers to our president who is the choreographer for that piece! And hello  vice president for choreographing the next piece!

But anyways, I really need to polish my movements for this piece, since we already started with another piece. I will talk about it next time. And hopefully, I will post pictures of us dancing... I should have taken pictures of my fashion dance attire. As if!

Wish I can glide and stretch as gracefully like this.. oh and I just love watching this show!

p.s.
I hope it is safe to post such information ... or this is bad... oops!
Oh and I am baby crushing on the vice president. I just adore the way he grooves, it is so smooth and romantic. But anyways, it is just a baby crush! Teehee!

TO DANCE.

This is officially my personal blog with regards to my life as a dancer in medicine school.
And apart from that, any details quite related with that.. like people involved, feelings, dance songs, dance steps... or even random practice days.
I want to be consistent with this blog, so hopefully I will also get to post pictures along the way.
But anyways, I am already officially a dancer of this troupe for more than a week now.

Cheers!
Let us dance to the goodness of life!